Dave is not the sort of person who makes enemies. Ask most anyone who knows him, and they will tell you Dave is a jovial kind of guy, who can get along with just about anybody. However, a few people have taken advantage of Dave, or otherwise screwed him over, and have made it onto his official Twit List. Said list follows: - Shellie Bowden
- To summarize: Friend (and co-worker) leaves wife, moves in with Dave.
- Friend begins dating boss's daughter.
- Boss tells daughter, "Stop dating employee, or leave my home."
- Daughter leaves home.
- Friend and daughter ask Dave, "Can daughter move in?"
- Dave is soft touch.
- Over summer, boss's daughter morph's into co-dependant, manipulative bitch.
- Friend moves into bachelor pad, to re-think relationship with wife.
- Daughter spends every night, and eventually every day in bachelor pad.
- Friend moves in with sister, to re-think relationship with wife.
- Daughter harasses sister's family repeatedly until brother-in-law makes serious threats
- Daughter turns to Dave to communicate her intense need for friend
- Dave continues to be nice guy until this shows up on his answering machine
- Dave says enough is enough, calls police and gives copy of tape to boss
- Daughter freaks, threatens Dave.
- Dave ignores daughter, goes on with life
- Prologue - Daughter latched onto some other poor schmuck, and Friend has had two children with wife.
- Mark "Fungus Boy" Heltsley
- To summarize: Friend says to Dave, "Boyfriend is living with me, that's no good, can he live with you for a couple months until he finds a place of his own?"
- Dave is soft touch.
- Boyfriend seems nice enough, if a bit gruff.
- Dave learns Boyfriend is porking anything in a skirt. Ethical dilemma.
- Boyfriend dumps friend. New ethical dilemma.
- Dave learns that Ex-Boyfriend (heretofore known as Scum) has tendency to slug people. But, because Dave is nice guy, and has made commitment to Scum, lets him stay.
- Dave meets future bride who lives across state.
- Dave gets bank statement, discovers a check he didn't write.
- Dave confronts Scum. Scum blames friend who had some unsupervised access to house.
- Scum acts hurt that Dave could have thought him responsible. Says friend will never have access to house again.
- Dave is soft touch.
- Scum suddenly becomes less visible. (Later it is learned that he lost his job because he slugged a co-worker.)
- While preparing to visit future bride, Dave discovers more funds missing from bank account.
- Dave discovers four more checks missing from unused books.
- Dave is pissed.
- Dave: 1) Changes locks 2) Places Scum's belongings on porch 3) Put note on door 4) Spent 90 minutes on hold with police 5) Went to Seattle
- Next morning, Dave's parents report that house has been broken into.
- Scum stole clothes, CDs, a video game, and deodorant
- To make things worse, Bank refuses to refund forged checks, "Dave failed to protect Bank." A letter to the Comptroller of the Currency fixed that.
- Prologue - Last Scum sighting, living in a tent on People's Beach, alone and unemployed. Friend is more than just a little embarrassed.
- Black VW Golf, WA Lic. 535 FWH
- The only person on the Twit List without a name, this little bimbo is the worst driver Dave has ever had the misfortune to experience. Judge for yourself:
- Setup: Dave is on his way to work. It's a bit late, around 10am. Dave is approaching the single left turn lane.
- The left turn arrow turns yellow, so Dave slows down, not wanting to throw himself in front of oncoming traffic.
- Aforementioned Bimbo is in the car behind Dave, and lays into her horn for not speeding through the yellow light.
- After a few seconds, the traffic in the lane to the right clears up, although oncoming traffic is still heavy.
- Bimbo decides to take advantage of clear right-hand lane, pull around Dave, and place herself in front of him in the intersection. (In case the reader is thoroughly confused, a visual aid is available.)
- Dave is pissed. He has never experienced anything quite this rude.
- Dave copies down Bimbo's license plate number, and spends the next several evenings fantasizing about unique automotive-related tortures.
- Prologue - Bimbo has not shown herself to Dave again. Beware the Bimbo!
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 Updating...
Dave Miller, Jan 2, 2010, 4:42 PM
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